Christian Dating: Four Ways To Find Your Spiritual Match.
The Christian faith, most faiths for that matter, teach that we are not to be unequally yoked. In lay terms this simply means we are to be wise when seeking a relationship to avoid future spiritual conflicts that can result in heart break. Here are four ways to find the mate matched to your beliefs.
As a former Pastoral Counselor I can attest to the fact that one of the biggest mistakes made by Christians is thinking they can convert a non-Christian into a Christian simply by having a relationship. Yes, we are to be a light for non-Christians but it is beyond our earthly power to convince someone to accept our faith.
We must be careful to avoid trying to replace the Holy Spirit.
It is the Holy Spirit who draws someone to our faith. It is a deeply personal decision that cannot be coerced by our logical arguments. There is a saying: "A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still." This is never more accurate when applied to matters of the Christian faith.
The Bible tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things. Emotions will convince us that the person of our desire is whom we need, and must have, regardless of their faith. This is at the root of the failure of most relationships between Christians and non-Christians. We become blinded by emotional need and ignore Christian values. Eventually, the conflict becomes unbearable.
Our emotional needs make getting solid Christian relationship advice more critical today than it has ever been. Society throws a multitude of conflicting messages at us each day. The dating message is confusing enough for Christians without adding the influence of TV sitcoms, Hollywood movies, and pop culture magazines who set the tone for what is acceptable in relationships and marriage.
By ignoring the worldly messages and following biblical moral guidelines you will invariably be challenged because you will be counter to what the majority of society considers normal. As a Christian, you are called to be "in the world" but not "of the world" in every decision you make. This includes your dating relationships and marriage. You risk heart break when you choose to become "of the world."
While Christian relationship advice can seem confusing, there can be no confusion about what the Bible has to say about marriage and morals. With this in mind, here are some suggestions to keep you on the right path:
1. Ignore peer pressure!
No doubt you have non-Christian friends and acquaintances. We don't live in a bubble. But, you are the only one who is responsible for your choices. No one can force you to ignore your Christian values.
It's difficult to resist a night out with friends who think that bars and clubs are fun or that casual physical intimacy is acceptable behavior. These so-called friends may even try to make you feel like a "Jesus freak" in order to convince you that a little "sin" will not hurt you.
If you want to be a light in the world then show these friends that you value your Christian morals more than what they offer and you don't feel the least bit ashamed of it.
The serious downside of giving in is that you will feel the admonition of the Holy Spirit. The Bible tells us "there is pleasure in sin for a season, then comes the judgement." You may even be deeply disappointed in yourself. And, you could end up in a relationship with someone who will only cause you emotional pain. As you can see, there is no profit in it for you.
2. There is wisdom in a multitude of Christian counselors!
When seeking relationship advice, the worst thing you can do is seek relationship advice from secular self-help books, people like Dr. Phil, and other daytime talk shows. This is worldly advice that will not serve you well. If you want truly helpful relationship advice, seek out material specifically created for Christians.
Since you are a Christian, only a Christian can give you advice on subjects like breaking up, dating someone from another denomination or dating an unbeliever. From Christian sources you will hear trustworthy advice about physical intimacy and marriage that will make sense from a biblical perspective.
The whole point of only getting Christian relationship advice is the same as asking a poor man how you can become rich. The poor man will not know what he is talking about will he? Why then would you follow the advice of a non-Christian? They simply do not know what they are talking about from a Christian perspective.
That said, be careful of Christian advice that is dogmatic or that cannot be reconciled by a study of scripture. As the Bereans said, when Paul preached: "Let us study the scriptures to see if these things are true."
3. Your true friends should be an obvious choice!
Do I need to remind you that the only crowd you should hang with are other Christians? You can have secular friends as well but choose them wisely. Limit the level of your secular relationships to those that respect the fact that you are a Christian and that do not attempt to corrupt your values.
You need to seek out places where your fellow believers hang out. This may involve becoming more active in church activities, attending Christian concerts or hanging out at a Christian coffee house. Your faith will be strengthened and your light will shine even brighter in the world.
4. Marriage may be your goal but.....!
It's a mistake to date if your only goal is marriage. Dating is a complex exercise of discovery and needs to be conducted as such. It's an ideal situation if you find the right person right off but life is not that simple. You should date several people in order to learn this valuable lesson: We are in the flesh and the flesh can be misleading.
It's easy to misinterpret the Holy Spirit's leading if we choose a mate based on physical or emotional attraction. The fact is, most successful marriages begin with friendship that gives each person time to find out whether they compliment each other.
Physical attraction should never be the main factor. We all get old eventually so we certainly want true love when the bloom finally falls off the rose! The inner person is the one you will want to marry and spend your life with regardless of the image the world is selling as the perfect mate.
Be careful if your date tries to push you into physical intimacy. Just because he or she is a Christian does not mean they have control of their lust. We are in the flesh, remember? Your date may just want to have some fun at your expense and move on once you ask for a lifelong commitment.
Finally, let me encourage you.
Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you to another committed Christian with whom you can have a lifelong, loving relationship. Expect that there is someone out there looking for a Christian mate like you, too.
When you ask, resist telling the Holy Spirit how that person should look or that they should be a person with material wealth, or anything else for that matter. Leave it to the Holy Spirit and He will bring you the person that He knows is right for you.
Ask and be patient. You shall receive.
Jim DeSantis at 8:29 AM
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